Everything and Anything

I hate days like this, I’m just so tired, but at the same time I’m wanting to do things. I did make it out to the store, but then I just didn’t want to do anything for a while, now I want to do something but I don’t know what.

It’s just been a very long and stressful week, my friend did call me and I’m still not happy with him, but I’ll be okay. I still will be friends with him, I’m just not going to drop everything I’m doing to go help him again. I’m still doing a lot of thinking and I know I need to start dating again I think getting out there and meeting new people will help with my depression. It’s just been so long and I really didn’t have any experience before. Really all I have done is have a string of one night stands. I’ve only been on one date. So I’m a little scared about doing this. I just really don’t know how and still have some major insecurities when it comes to talking to guys. Even though my friend thinks I’m nuts. She says I talk to guys all the time, and I do, but it’s because I have convinced myself that they would never want me so the nervous part goes away. Now that I’m thinking of dating again I think it will be different because I’m more concerned with how they see me.

I know many people have said just be yourself, but I have been for the last few years and no one has asked me out. I know it’s something to do with me, not in a bad way, but in a way that I do something to make a guy think twice about talking to me. It’s a defense thing that I got really good at in high school, now though I can’t seem to turn it off.

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