It’s 9pm and I still do not have my math homework done. I probably will not get it done as everytime I look at the book my head starts to hurt. I spent most of the day trying to fix my screw up of a forum because it crashed. I’m thinking someone has it out for me as my other forum did this too. The forum is still not up and running and I don’t have any of my information for it anymore so I’m starting all over.

I just can’t win. I knew it was going to be a bad day from the start. I think God is just trying to make me kill myself because of everything going on. I’ve decided he hates me and there is no way around it. I have thought a few times about moving to Nevada and working as a prostitute, but I’m too fat for that, so that won’t work ether. I’m tired of worrying about money, I’m even more tired of worrying about this stupid math class. The worst part is I have one more after this one! If I can get the damn C+ I have to have in this one. I know it’s not hard, but ever since I failed 2 math classes in high school I have not been able to do well. The best part is it wasn’t even my fault. The one the teacher didn’t like my sisters boyfriend, so he failed me. (how that works I still don’t know) The other lost an entire semesters worth of my work because she misplaced my math folder. I’m just to the point where I give up with all of this.

I keep thinking why am I doing this. It’s not like I’m going to have a job when I’m done. In fact I probably will never find a job in this field. Then I remember why. The 300+ monthly student loan payment I’m going to have to pay if I quit.

Maybe I am better off dead. Not that I’m going to kill myself. I’m too smart for that, my mom co-signed on a loan and she’ll have to pay it if I kill myself. I’m just waiting for the day when god decides it time for me to die a slow painful death in a car accident or from cancer or something. I still would love to know what I did wrong?

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