Being Depressed and Stressed Is Getting To Me
- by Holly
Today I went to the gas station to get a paper, we need coupons and I figure $2 for at least $50 in saving is a good investment. I was having a good day. I came home, I got some lunch, my mom started making grape juice from the grapes we grew this year. Life was good. My brother had been playing video games since 9 AM so I decided to move upstairs for some quite. I played a game myself for a while, then I went downstairs to the smell of cooking grapes. Then the world caved in, my mother yelled at me for leaving her car running for 2 hours!
Yes, 2 hours, I forgot to turn off her car! I never forget things like that, ever! I remember small little details and what color someone’s buttons are. I know exactly when and what my dad was wearing when my parents split (even though I was only 3). I can bring up small details on things that happened that no one cares about anymore, well I could anyway until a few months ago. You know about the time when I stopped having an income and started stressing about how I could make ends meet. Those days when I made $800 a month online and could manage, unlike now where I”m lucky to make $8 or even $80.
I’m worried about being sued, my health or lack there of. I worry about my right now very bleak future and if I’ll have a roof over my head a month from now. I worry about my mom, my brother and my debt. I worry about my life and how horrible it has really turned out to be. I know that what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger, but I worry I won’t live to see that day.
I know I need to stop worrying, it’s not easy to do. I may lose everything I own, again. You would think I would be use to that by now, the problem is this time I don’t think I’ll be able to replace anything. I may end up on the street, I may end up in the ground. I may even get lucky and survive all of this, one thing I know is that my life has changed forever. I have become bitter, where there was once a happy girl and young women there is not hate and hopelessness. I have lived though too much and seen things that someone my age should not have to see. One day you may just find me locked up mumbling about what may have been and trying to remember where I put my keys.
