Recently I found something out about my childhood that explains a lot about some of the things I do now. I’m not going into details as it’s very personal, but it’s almost as if my entire life now makes sense, but at the same time it’s completely screwed up. I’m relived to know I’m not crazy but part of my feels as if I should be mad.

I’m hoping that I can learn and grow from this situation, but at the same time I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Has anyone else ever had this type of realization?

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

I woke up 20 minutes ago and I could barely move, I am so tired and worn out from the last 2 days it’s crazy. I’m up now because I have to take my little brother to school then I’m heading up to the hospital.

My mom just keeps thinking about how much this is going to cost her, she has insurance, but there is a deductible so she’s going to have to pay for most of this. She’s in the same boat I am and it sucks. I just don’t get it, why have insurance when you still have to pay thousands of dollars out of your pocket before it kicks in. Even then you still have copay and all of that. It just makes me mad that we are one of the only major countries of the world that does not provide health insurance to it’s people.

Anyway it’s too early to go on a rant, maybe I’ll save that for tomorrow.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

I am really really tired and I was hoping to go to sleep, but my poor mom is having chest pain and we can’t figure out what it is, she can’t breath well it hurts to sit down, she can’t lay down. Pretty much she’s miserable when she’s trying to relax. The only time it goes away is when she stands up.

So now I’m waiting to see if she wants to go to the hospital. I have to drive her so I’m hoping I’m awake enough. I will probably sleep in my cloths I had on today just in case. I’m worried about her but she took some pain meds and is waiting to see if they work better. I’m thinking it may be better if I sleep on the couch.

Anyway since I’m up I decided to check out my online class again and found some interesting things. One person was talking about market research that he found that said young girls are extremely influenced by what they see on TV. This got me thinking. There are many girls my little brother knows that think they are fat, there maybe a size 7 or 8 and they see themselves as fat. I don’t get it. I guess I’m a cow compared to them. I really just hate what the media has done to young girls. That is one reason I’m fat. I gave up and decided I was never going to look like that, by that time I was so depressed that it really didn’t matter. I wish things could change, but as one of the men said, he doesn’t see why they need to: “Men have a right to look at good looking women and should be able to.” It’s that mindset that is preventing change.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

I think I fixed my TV. Kinda. It works most of the time now. As long as I don’t turn it off. If I do usually I hit mute 3 times and the volume shows up so I can change it!

I’m still going to be buying a new TV eventually. I found one at walmart for $400 that will work well when I move. The TV I have now is smaller anyway and I have been wanting a new one for a few years. So this isn’t a new idea. Of course the TV will be waiting until I get a new car. That right now is much more important.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Because Google is now running scared because there system sucks they have once again punished bloggers. My last pr 3 blog has not been dropped after doing 2 days of paid posting. Yep thats right I had only done paid posting on it for two days and bam, pr gone.

Am I giving up? Not yet, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed off and extremely depressed. Thanks to Google I now can not afford my health insurance, my pills for my diabetes or to go to the doctor. At least after this month.

Thanks to Google I will probably die from complications from my diabetes because I can’t get these things and thanks to google my family will have to pay my $50,000 worth of debt. Thats what happens when you lose your job and can’t find one for 2 years. Most of that is student loans though as I’m still in school. Speaking of, I may not be able to get to school now because of Google. I can’t afford a new car, mine is now dead. I can’t even afford the gas to get there.

Yes all of this is because of google. I finally found a way to make money that our stupid president couldn’t ruin. Now Google has done it too. Yes Google and our dumb president fall into the same category now. Life ruiner’s and they don’t care because they are rich and don’t have to deal with what it’s like to pay bills and be a real person.

So even though I am very depressed and have just gotten done crying for the last hour. I am still going to keep trying. I don’t have a choice. I’m 25 years old and my life will be over if this doesn’t work. I have no future. Right now I’m fighting for my right to live. I know I’m not alone, there are many out there trying to put food on the table and keep roofs over there heads. In that respect I’m lucky. My parents have a home, but even they are running the risk of losing it now. The United states is no longer the best country in the world, it’s a sad fact, but very true. This needs to be fixed, and soon.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!