I’m noticeing once again that I have no energy, part of this is because I am stressed and depressed, the other part is because I have gained weight again. I started checking online for the best diet pill but then I decided that maybe that is not what I really need. I need to work for it and have the motivation to work for it.

I know I should do it for me, but I just don’t care enough I think. I don’t know something keeps me from doing well. I figure it’s either I don’t care enough or some other metal problem, like the fact that I always fail so why try! Even though I really haven’t failed at losing weight, since I have not gained all of it back. I’m hoping to have some idea here soon. I need to get some energy back.

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I’m starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. I have gained back half of the weight I lost over the last year and I feel horrible. I kind of feel like I’m pregnant, not possible at all, and just all over not right. When I was in the hospital they said my stomach looked swollen and I have had some other issues as well. I have to have my yearly physical next Monday so I’m going to ask my doctor about it then.

I’m thinking that no matter what I need to start getting active again. Maybe picking up some MBT shoes and talking a walk every day again. It’s just getting so cold out now that I’m worried I’m going to get sick. I don’t have a good coat and can’t buy one for a while, so maybe I’ll have to figure out something else. I really would just like the energy I had after I got out of the hospital, it was nice to be able to do some things again.

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I have been thinking of buying two new devices a pulse oximeter and a pedometer. I’m trying to lose weight, and I want to walk a mile a day, but I’m not sure if what I’m walking is a mile or less or more, more is fine, less is not. I live in the country and normally you figure that one block out here is a mile long, but I live on a street off that block that is almost in the middle. Pretty much my curiosity is getting the best of me.

The good news is that so far, I have been good. The bad news is that because of classes I can only get out 4 days a week to walk starting next week. I have time between classes so I may try to do something then, but at the same time I’m on insulin and they keep telling me I have to exercise at the same time every day. I’ll try it a few times and see if anything acts up.

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I have decided that I should look into getting some great fitness dvd’s just in case it’s raining or snowing and I can’t get out for a walk. I did do belly dancing for a while and I love it, but I need something that I can mix up and change every once in a while. I have been looking at this XFLOWSION DVD set that really looks like something I would use, it is a set of 4 DVD workouts, 2 guide books and 2 cd’s all for $60. Now if you don’t have $60 right now you can do 3 payments of 19.95. Not a bad deal.

What I love about this set is that is has different workouts. There are 4 dvd’s that give you something different on each one. One looks like it is a great cardio workout, another a yoga workout, I love that! The third one is concentrateing more on strength and the last works on your abs, that is my problem area and has been since I was a kid. I don’t have a lot of time to spend as I have to drive to school again this year and having the ability to work out one area or do relaxing yoga is a great thing for me. There are just days where I don’t really want to do anything and I think having the yoga option is great, while other days I’m energetic and ready to move and the body blast strength dvd may be more my thing.

If your not sure about it, you can rest a little easier knowing that these products were seen in In style and People. Really what do you have to lose, just weight right? I know I could stand to lose some of that and am willing to invest in something that not only will help me lose weight, but make me feel better and be healthier too.

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I was sitting on my sofa watching TV just a few minutes ago when a Victoria Secret commercial came on. Every time I see this commercial I think if I looked like that I wouldn’t be sitting here alone right now. If I looked like that I would have a job and people would like me. I’m 25 years old and I think this and now I understand why I have been so depressed since I was 12. It’s commercials and ads like these that have made me feel like I am worthless. I really hate it because if I lost weight I could look like these girls. I have flawless skin, except for some freckles and I have the pouty lips that they all seem to have. I’m just not thin.

I’m not saying that these commercials are the only reason I am the way I am. Many women who are bigger have great self esteem. The weird thing is I do too, once I get to know someone. It’s the laughing and pointing that I usually get when I get up in front of people. It may not even be at me, but I still think it is. When it comes to these ad’s though I think one they need to stop showing women in their underwear before 10pm. There are still young kids up, but advertisers don’t care, sex sells and the more kids that have kids the more people their are to buy their products. Yes I said kids that have kids.

Anyway. I really am upset and down all at the same time right now. I hate myself because I can’t lose weight and I hate them for making me feel bad about it. I figured I would write this now as so many people think that advertising doesn’t have an effect on people. The truth is it does.

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For the last week I have been having some strange pains in my chest. I also have not been feeling well and I have now figured out why. At least I think so. I need to lose weight, not with diet pills or some miracle cure, but with exercise. I had to go take pictures yesterday of houses for my class. I walked at least a mile and I felt great. The pain in my chest went away and so did some of my other issues. I went to the store to shop today, so I got some more walking in and tomorrow I’m going to take more pictures.

I had been lazy when it came to my exercise the last few months, but now I’m being reminded that I need to get out there and move. The treadmill sucks as I get bored with it. I think it’s because I have to stare at a wall. Once I move it’s going where I can see the TV at least. That way I can keep up my walking all winter.

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I love clothes and soon I know I’ll be able to fit into clothes that I couldn’t before like the Baby Phat Clothing line. I love the look of it, but I probably can’t get away with wearing some of it anymore, I’m still going to buy something once I lose the weight, even if it’s just to wear around the house. Of course I think I could get away with the sporty line they have. I can wear it to the gym.

Right now I just have to content myself with their jewelry and other items that big gals like me can wear. My little sister can fit into their clothes though and she loves them too. I think they have a great brand. Anyway I am really hoping to lose weight so I can not only fit into baby phat clothes, but some of the other name brands as well. Of course I probably will just end up shopping at walmart because I’m a poor collage student. At least until I find a real job.

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